I never thought I would be a criminal in my life, at least not in this way. And the worst part was, I enjoyed committing it. I looked at child pornography, on the clear net. At first I only wanted to look at some baked teens. Then I craved for them to be younger. They looked like they were enjoying themselves, I thought maybe they consented to this after all. I should’ve known better…
After I stopped myself, I went to look at adult porn, thinking that maybe it would make up for what I did, that I was normal or a freak. After I orgasmed, I felt depressed, my eyes felt as if they slunk into the back of my head. It was then I fully just grasped the gravity of what I’ve done. I denied ever thinking of myself as a pedophile, saying that I was only searching for a more pleasurable experience since normal porn and hentai became too dull. I just wrote myself off as a hedonist. I still believe that. As I tried to get some sleep last night, pictures of those children flashed into mind.

What I learned about cp is that the children are coerced into having s3x. Whether it be with candies or compliments, they make them smile, they force them to enjoy it, those fuckers. And they pawn off the evidence as if it wasn’t criminal. I hate them for what they do, I fucking do. I should’ve been the better man and kept my urges strictly to fantasy. I was curious, and now I’m a possible criminal. I felt as if I partook in these rapes.

I plan on taking a break from porn for a while. Just so it’s more enjoyable to watch consenting adults.


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